As if the Supreme Court didn’t do enough damage installing Bush as president…

You can now be arrested for not identifying yourself. I gather the logic is that if you refuse to identify yourself you must be hiding something, therefore you must have done something wrong, therefore the government can arrest you… and then I suppose it’s off to Gitmo.

This circular logic is maddening- it reminds me of something that happened to me in seventh grade- the punishment for not showing up for detention after school was three detentions after school. One day I wasn’t sure if I had been a bad boy or not, so I decided to check with the detention monitor- a teacher we’ll call Mr. Dickweed.

As I approached, Mr. Dickweed asked if I was in or out today- he was well aware of my history (though I should point out that the great majority, though less spectacular, of my offences involved being late and soaking wet for the class that immediately followed gym.)

Not wanting to sit in detention for the rest of the week, I asked if I was on the list- Mr. Dickweed looked down at his list, looked back up at me, then back at the list. He cocked his head to the side, looked at me one more time, and finally croaked, “Get in here.” while pushing me into the detention room.

Clearly I wasn’t on the list, but since I asked I was handed an extra day of detention. On top of that, I still had to come back for the next day’s detention- the one I actually earned.

From that day forward I knew that if I came forward and asked Mr. Dickweed if I was on the list I would be added to the list. My detentions multiplied exponentially after I learned this little lesson, but at least these were detentions I had earned on some level.

I realize it’s probably advantageous for a policeman on the beat to consider every person he or she meets a threat, just as Mr. Dickweed figures anyone who would ask if they’re on the list is obviously supposed to be on the list, but it’s dangerous to codify this suspicion of guilt into law.

The phrase “probable cause” has been retired, replaced with the phrase “promotion of legitimate government interests.” It used to be “innocent until proven guilty,” but now it’s just Mr. Bush’s catch phrase, over and over- “9/11 changed everything.”

Yeah, just like Osama wanted it to.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go join Ashcroft’s TIPS program and spy on my mailman… oh wait… it works the other way around? Whatever.

(Clarification: Yes, I was comparing my junior high teachers to al Qaeda.)